I am a drug addict currently going through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Through this Tumblr I will be blogging my recovery, all entries to my journal, anything I find that will help people suffering from the disease of Addiction or Alcoholism, as well as anything else I feel pertains to this blog.
I hope to help others who are suffering as well as the families, friends, and anyone else who is or has been affected by this disease.
anditslove:kellirenee:girlgonerad:misfitgeist:itry-ifailitryagain:brokenwrist-:ihateusernamess:(via dinoswhore, jbaumzy)
(via jennaaxo)
This makes me smile. I have only grown to become someone I never thought I would be able to become. I am now proud of myself. Proud of everything I do. Not only am I proud, but others are too. Wonderful feeling.
I really don’t know how I did exactly. A lot of times I just go look at random Tumblrs and will click on anything I like, allowing me to check out more. I liked yours a lot, you have a lot of good posts and I’m intrigued by what you say. I like all the pictures you share and I spent at least a good hour flipping through your archives.
So, in short, I have no idea haha. I really don’t. I know that I did find it through clicking through a bunch of different people’s shit. Hope that isn’t crazy stalkerish or anything. :]
(via skinnybabyyy)
This makes me smile.
I’ll never forget the day you told me you didn’t love me. The day you said it, just to appease me. I’ll never forget the feeling in my stomach when you told me you fucked him. And the next day when you told me you loved her more than me. Most importantly, I’ll never forget you. And that is what makes me feel worse than anything else in this world. You truly did fuck my life up, but you did more than that. You fucked my head up. I’ll never be able to leave the prison in which you trapped me. I fucking hate you.
This song perfectly describes myself while I was in the peak of my addiction as an IV user of opiates including: heroin, oxycontin, roxycontin, dilaudids, and pretty much any other pharmaceutical opiate I could get my hands on.
The Johnny Cash cover of this song is absolutely beautiful too. Haunting, both these songs are, but beautiful. The pain I experienced is summed up so perfectly by the lyrics.
It’s true, you know. Even if you are at the grip of a drug and it controls your life, there is hope. There is hope. Don’t despair, you can do this. You can get your life back. I promise you this. Just have faith and by all means, hold on.
Garabage - Run Baby Run
I am going through the lengthy process of adding all my past journal entries to this Tumblr and then it will be updated daily. I am also in the process of learning more about Web Design and Photoshop, so the them on my page will become a lot nicer once this is achieved. Just wanted to put that out there so that there is an understanding.
More pages will be added to help other addicts/alcoholics and many changes will take place to this Tumblr as time progresses. I hope that some of you find it helpful and I truly feel blessed when people follow it.
Thank you,
Anonymous.
This describes how I am feeling at the current moment. No more blues for me, only happiness. To quote one of my favorite books, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, “I feel infinite.”.
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions by: Bill W. (The co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous)
I slept so good last night, I feel better than I have in weeks. Now I just need to figure out what I am doing as far as discharge is concerned. As I’m sitting here, waiting for my Subutex, a man just stripped naked and simply sat down in his chair, penis and everything out for everyone to see. It is scary to think that the human brain can go so far away from normalcy. There is one women here who stands in the same place all day and talks about time time travel, electro-magnetics, and the Pythagorean theorem. It’s sad to see. A lot of the people who seem to have lost their mind also refuse to take their medication. I’m sure it’s because all their life they have wanted to be normal, seen people acting normal, and believe that the medication is what causes their differences.
There is another man who walks back and forth in front of his room always saying, “I’m tired. I’m tired.” He does this with food in his beard, whatever, he simply does not now how to act as a normal human being would. (By saying normal, I’m not claiming that these people are bad or anything, I simply do not know how else to describe it.) I’ve tried walking him to his bed, at least ten times, and each time he lies down and I walk out. About 3 minutes later the process begins once again. It’s sad and actually reminds me of addiction. No matter what, I always went back to drugs. It didn’t matter what happened, they were always my escape. It’s sad to see how the medications just sedate him all day long and they really don’t try to rehabilitate him at all. The emptiness in his eyes really says it all. Makes me wonder, where is his family? Have they given up on him?
It’s interesting to compare addiction and the diseases of the “crazy” ones. Both of them affect the family of the sufferer, an addict hurts his family on accident; ignoring how much pain they cause because they only care about getting that next fix. The sufferer of say, psychosis, hurts his family purely by accident, although it may seem as if they are purposely doing it. Both families are hurt because they want to help, but cannot seem to do anything about it. Both situations are sad and I really feel for the sufferers of serious mental disorders.
So, I found out today that I am getting discharged today; armed with my Suboxone script I will combat drugs and fight for my sobriety. I’m going to put the same effort I put into getting drugs into achieving sobriety. While out using, everyday was the same thing. I woke up and needed to find drugs, or money and then spent the rest of the day doing them and looking for more. I could never have enough, I was never satisfied. If I spend all day working on my sobriety, as I did with drugs, I will not fail. I will be able to conquer my disease and I will finally feel good about myself.
I’m stoked to get out of here and go to a good meeting. It’s been so long since I have truly wanted sobriety and I find myself wanting nothing more than to attend a meeting. I’ve needed this fresh start for so long. I’m going to do it this time, I’m sick of failures. I’m sick of letting everyone down, including myself. I am sick of living drug to drug and depending on a fucking substance for happiness. I will not fail this time, I won’t allow it. I’ve spent too long wasting my life away and it is time to get that back.
I hope my girlfriend is as serious as I am about recovery. I plan on doing 90 meetings in 90 days as well as attending extra meetings when I can. 90 and 90 is pretty much guaranteed to provide you with a firm base upon which you can build up your sobriety. I won’t let anyone hold me back from achieving my goals this time. I am just focusing on the promises of A.A. and how much better I will feel if I actually make a genuine effort this time. It seems to help.
Instead of just messing around, showing up to meetings high etc. like last time I am going to get involved, share often, and find myself a competent sponsor. I plan to spend most of this month before college reading and educating myself on sobriety. I need to do this in order for me to have a firm hold on sobriety by the time I go off to college. I’m well aware of all the pressures I am going to be faced with. I can’t let anything stand in the way of my sobriety, I need to stay strong. I’m going to stay strong. I swear. I will not fail this time. I will not fucking fail.
